The Man Across The Street

The illness had almost cost him his life. "You’re chance of walking away from this without incurring a lifelong handicap is very slim, take that into consideration," warned his physician. Christian Bates knew he was lucky but once out of the hospital he was confined to a wheelchair at home. The illness and the wheelchair and the sadness of his world put him in a very deep depression. Leukemia was a horrible sickness. He was alone so it didn’t matter if he got out of bed or not and he only did so when necessary to go to the bathroom, to find something to eat when he could force himself to eat, or to roll himself in that damn wheelchair to the bay window to look out on the world.

Weeks went by and he wasn’t getting better and that only made his world darker. To climb out of that depression he forced himself to think positive, to get up, make breakfast and wheel to the bay window. There he watched everything and began to know the routines of his neighbors and those who inhabited the streets below.

Then one morning something seemed different. He wheeled his chair into the kitchen and made a fresh pot of coffee and returned with a cup to the bay window. Five floors down he could see the same crowds walking to and from various destinations: work, coffee, food, shoe repair, clothing and all the shops. Across the street in the aprtments the residents moved about the day, getting dressed, running vacuum cleaners, dusting furniture, and children playing. The apartment opposite from him had been vacant since returning home but on this day, around 9am, the building manager entered and a new couple followed behind. The man was tall with long dark hair, had what appeared to be an athletic build and from the distance seemed very tan. Christian found he was good looking. The woman was a slight in size hitting the man at the shirt pocket level, had short blond hair and was very animated. She clung to him as they walked about the empty apartment pointing here and there. He seemed amused by her and smiled often. Christian thought how lucky she was to have such a handsome man.

The next day the couple moved into the apartment and Christian’s time was filled with watching them set up house, interact with each other, and start their lives across the street from him. The handsome dark-haired fellow, would sit in the window with coffee in hand and watch the world below just as Christian did. Sometimes he would do so shirtless. In the mornings Christian had trouble seeing into their apartment because of sun glare. It was opposite during the afternoon and until sundown. Christian's apartment faced eastward and the sun shined from the west much of the day causing a shiny sun-glare on his windows. And Christian’s bay windows were shielded by custom made shutters. He had a perfect view into their large studio apartment and could follow them throughout it except when one of them entered the bathroom. Christian's apartment was on the top floor and he had the only apartment in his building at that level facing the street. So all those neighbors across the street who faced Christian's apartment never felt someone watching them because his place seemed empty. They walked about freely, often without clothes. The first time Christian saw the handsome fellow in a pair of white boxer shorts he reached for his binocculars and enjoyed the closeup view. The blond girl walked about naked often and would, at times, seduce the man from the bed. Unfortunately the bed dropped lower then the window and the most Christian ever saw was the man's untanned ass bobbing up and down.

Slowly Christian’s depression was lifting and his frustration with the wheechair was growing. He spent an hour one afternoon forcing himself out of the chair and into a standing position. From there he guided himself down the hall by holding on to the wall. He made it to the kitchen and back again before he returned to the chair. This became a daily ritual and he increased it from once to twice to three times a day until he was able to climb out of bed, avoid the wheelchair altogether, and walk to the bathroom with just the aid of the walls for support.

To fill his days he sat and watched the couple across the street. Their relationship had changed from the touchy feely "I’ve got to have you now" desire they came in with to a muted one where love making was happening in the dark at night. They spent less and less time together with her being away more often then he was. The man had a ritual of sunbathing each late afternoon, when he returned home from work. Christian would watch him change out of a business suit, shirt and tie and into a pair of yellow swimming jams. He paid no attention to Christian who would often call outloud at the man to "turn around!" just to see if he would. He couldn't hear Christian, of course, but still Christian enjoyed the game. The fellow would grab a towel and his keys and leave the apartment and Christian, now able to stand at the bay window, would wait for the man to exit the building but he never did. "He must be going to the roof."

One afternoon the man was stripping off his clothes when the phone must have rang because he cross toward it stark naked. Christian could see his entire body and smiled because the man was very much a man! He looked for his binoculars, of which he usually kept at arm’s length on the table, and they were not there. He hurried about the apartment hoping the phone call would last long enough for him to focus through them for a close-up. His eyes darted everywhere around the apartment and he remembered leaving them in the kitchen. The glasses were on the counter. He grabbed them and nearly trotted back to the living room and the bay window. The call had not lasted and the man had only his back to the window and was stepping into the yellow jams. Still, for Christian that moment was enough for him to fantasize about over and over.

So Christian waited for another chance to see his handsome neighbor naked, the binoculars at the ready, but the opportunity did not come up again. His life had changed during the last month to one of near normalcy. He could walk and even hurry about the apartment without the aide of any device and he began to think about getting out. At the suggestion of his doctor he booked a month’s holiday at a hotel in Honolulu.

The next three months were spent mostly on the beach of Waikiki in Hawaii. He had been there many times before and knew the island of paradise well, with its healing sun and constant light sea breeze it would give him back the health he had once thought gone. And it did. He grew tan and swam everyday. After two weeks he was surfing again, running up and down the sea shore, cruising men, hanging out in the changing rooms and had met a younger man who took him out to the local gay clubs. He had no one night stands, no sexual affairs or encounters even though the opportunities had come his way. This was the era of AIDs and he was leery of anyone he met in a gay club who claimed they were HIV negative. As far as he knew he still had Leukemia, though in abeyance, and a dose of AIDS would surely kill him. But how he hungered to be held and made love to again.

Several thousands of dollars in hotel bills later and feeling happy again, he flew home and arrived late in the evening. The following morning he went to the window and saw the apartment was empty. They had moved away during his absense. He felt sad.

He made the rounds of the doctors offices and hospital tests over the next week and when they told him he was in "complete remission" and could resume his normal life, he was elated. He returned to his old routine of making a light breakfast and bringing his coffee in to the living room to sit in the bay window and look out on the world. It was a Saturday morning and there was more activity on the streets the usual. By eight a.m. it was beginning to bustle. June in San Francisco brought days of were warmth and sunnshine. He wanted to do some remodeling to his apartment and decided to start with the shutters. He would remove them and let in all the sun and light he could. He opened them up for the first time in years and stood back to scrutinize the room. His eye caught the long-haired fellow across the street sitting alone in his apartment bay window. He was shirtless and holding a cup of coffee just as though he had been there all along. He appeared to be looking directly at Christian and Christian could see that the apartment was empty of funiture.

Christian stood motionless. "Can he see me?" he asked aloud. Very slowly he reached out to the open shutter and closed it with a quick move. He kept his eye on the man across the street who had changed his gaze down to the street. Christian thought for sure the man had seen him but the sun was streaming into his living room and that meant it was also bouncing off the outside of the glass and that would make it impossible to see him inside his apartment.

What Christian was more surprised by was that guy was still there. But where was she? Christian settled in and for the rest of the afternoon and evening to keep a vigilant eye on the man across the street. In the early evening the man pulled on a pair Levis, a clean white t-shirt and tennis shoes then left the building. From his bay window he followed him down the street and wondered where he was going. He had a sudden urge to put his shoes on and hurry out of the building to see if he couldn’t find him in one of the sidewalk cafes or bars. It was dinner time and maybe the man was going to find something to eat.

It overcame him. Christian grabbed his shoes and was out the door and down the stairs in less than a minute. He scurried down his side of the street looking for the fellow until he had gone six blocks and then he crossed over to the same side of the street the man would have walked down and started looking in doorways and store windows. When he had gone the full distance up and back he did it again. And then he saw him. He was walking right toward him carrying a bag in each hand. The bags were marked with a Chinese TakeOut logo that he knew well. He stared at the guy walking toward him and the guy was oblivious to him. The man was much taller then Christian has surmised and he was more handsome up close. He was probably in his late twenties or maybe early thirties and he was definitely a man’s man: large unkempt hands could be used for hard labor, biceps that were developed and the T-shirt didn’t hide the outline of a very nice chest. He was nicely tanned and his eyes were very water blue in color.

Once he passed him by Christian stopped to look in a window then turned his head to watch the back of the man walk up the street. Christian fell in behind him all the way up the block. At the corner he was able to stand next to him in the crowd and realized the man was an inch or two taller then him. He liked that. And his shoulders were broad tapering down to a small fit waist. He had small hips and his thighs filled out the jeans well. He leaned near him to search for a scent of cologne or aftershave and found nothing. The cross-walk light changed and the group proceeded up the street for another block. On that block Chris faltered back because it was the block they both lived on. The man instead his key into the building’s front door and entered Chris hurried by the building and and cross in the middle of the the street to get into his own building and return to the bay window.

Back at his bay window he found the man sitting on a milk crate and using several other crates stacked atop each other as a small table to place the food containers and a soda on. He read a paperback book as he ate the food and when he finished eating moved on to the bed. The bed was lower then the window and Christian could only catch a glimpse of an arm or elbow and it rose above the window sill to turn a page. During all that time Christian sat in the dark, peering through the binocculars and not wanting to give himself away. He was attracted to the man and no matter how many times he walked away from the window, into another room, he came back. It had become exciting to him.

(More to come...)

It Was An Awful Morning

Catching a glimpse of the man walking down the street caused the warm coffee to slide slowly down Chris' throat. "My God," he thought, when was the last time they..?" Three years ago. It was February wasn’t it? Yes. And it was raining." Memories flooded his thoughts. His heart began to beat faster. He hesitated, started to change tables by picking up the saucer and cup, then halted and left them as they were. He wanted to see him again. But would he see him or just walk by oblivious to Chris sitting there in the coffee house window? Should he attract his attention with a hand wave? He watched as the man, dressed in a dark blue business suit, a light blue shirt and an azure blue tie maneuvered his way through the sidewalk crowd. Chris sat riveted, watching his every step and gesture. He looked at that face and those amazing blue eyes. "No," he said under his breath. He wouldn’t try to gain his attention. He turned away from the window and faced the morning crowd that mingled within the shop and he sat that way for the longest time. Long enough for him to pass by.

"Hey you," said a voice. Chris looked up and it was him. He broke into a smile. "Hello," said Chris and he stood up and extended his hand. The man brushed it away and pulled Chris against his body. He could feel his hands against his back, pushing and stroking back and forth and the tautness of his firm athletic chest against his own. "Gee it’s good to see you," the man said pulling back and holding his head a few inches from Chris. They looked into each other’s eyes and as though it were yesterday they kissed a long delicious coffee tasting kiss. When it ended he still didn’t let Chris go. "How are you?" he asked quietly and slowly the man took a step back. "May I?" he said pointing to the empty chair at the table. He sat down and Chris followed. "Fine. Just fine," came Chris’ delayed answer as his mind whirled. "On a coffee break? Loafing? What?" the man asked. Chris sank into the man’s smile and beautiful blue eyes. He could not forget the blueness of those eyes and here they were again, in front of him and just inches away. The man’s left hand glided forward and rested above his knee and squeeze it a bit. "You’re not married, are you?" and Chris shook his head. "Then come with me, now, to the Yorkshire. I’m there for the week. We’ll spend the time together," he pleaded. Chris wanted to. So badly that he almost said yes. "I ... I can’t. Really. I can’t." The look on the man’s face was sadness. "Alright. Just for a few hours. Please," he softly pleaded and then he whispered, "I want to hold you again."

How long had Chris waited to hear those words? And then it came back to him. How many hours had he sat in their old apartment watching the time pass waiting for him to come home? Hours then days. Chris had been alone too much but when he was there, when he did come home, he loved Chris like no other man had loved him. A year later he felt more heartache and loneliness then he did love and happiness. And then he found the letter. One single sheet of paper folded into a square and stuffed in a coat pocket. He wouldn’t have noticed it at all if he hadn’t been curious but there it was and its contents destroyed him. So he said good-bye and he cried. He begged and he pleaded with Chris that if he would just stay with him it would never happen again but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t because he knew it had happened before, several times before and the letter was too much evidence to convince him otherwise. He packed and he left. That was three years ago.

And now here they were, sitting in a little coffee house and he had the chance to hold him once again. He looked down at the hand on his knee and there he saw the gold band wrapped around his ring finger. His hand dropped to the man’s and his fingers felt the ring. "Who is he?" he asked. "I don’t love him. I really don’t. It is a marriage of convenience. We’ve never even slept together. I swear we haven’t," he tried to justify. "But you married him?" The man looked away. "Yes. I did marry him. I did so because my heart was broken when you left and he has so much money I tried to drown myself in his wealth. It didn’t work. I still love you. I will always love you," he said and when he turned to look back at Chris he saw the tear slide down Chris’ cheek. He reached forward and pulled Chris to him and he knew then that it would never be the way it was. They held each other for a long moment and then he kissed Chris softly. "Okay. I’ll go," he said sliding his chair back and standing up. "If you change your mind I’ll be at the Yorkshire all week." Chris looked away. He started to walk away then he stopped. "Chris, I’ve never loved anyone else but you. Honest," and the two men looked at each other for a long moment and then he turned and walked out of the coffee house. Chris returned to his cup and saucer and sat there silently. "It was over," he told himself. "It has to be over," and with those words Chris brought the coffee cup to his lips and finished drinking the now lukewarm liquid. He dabbed his mouth with a paper napkin then stood up and walked out. It was an awful morning.

Democratic Convention LOL!

It was a horrible first night of the Democratic convention. All we got was smaltz left and right. Edward Kennedy full of emotion was rambling on and on about changing the face of America from white to black. Does America really want that? Nancy Pelosi was wearing her scariest face ever only to give us another rambling of how Congress, under her leadership, has done remarkable things - although I'm still trying to figure out what exactly Congress has done at all these last four years. And then we were subjected to Michele - touted as the next Jackie Kennedy - except her shoulders were the size of a half-backer, her dress was all wrong, the color ungodly and a white bra strap kept peeping at us as he droned on and on about her husband. All the while the humble "ain't I the next great hope for this country" husband sat in some middle-class family's living room and continued to pontificate on how great he is.

No word on what's wrong with this country - no attack on the Bush administration, the Iraq war, the failed economy, no healthcare, no nothing. Just a bunch of hoopla and a hell of a lot of money spent trying to dazzle us with baloney. I agree with Carvelle, who said “If this party has a message it's done a hell of a job hiding it tonight, I promise you that."

And gee, not one word about Gay marriage. And they want our vote? When pigs fly!

It is official. Obama's choice of running mate hasn't helped him in the polls at all. In fact, his choice has cost him two percentage points. The official Gallup records now show support for Obama declined by two percentage points in Gallup Poll Daily tracking (from 46% to 44%) conducted immediately before and after the Aug. 23 Biden announcement. This is not good news because he was expected to achieve at least a 5 to 10% increase or "bounce" from his selection Joseph Biden as his running mate. At least that's what his handlers were telling the press.

Had Obama selected Clinton he would have seen a good 20% bounce in new voters, including this one.

Monday Disconnect

Kevin Rose (founder of Digg.com) leaked the information

...about new iPod Nanos coming on September 9th. Then he leaked a new iTunes v8.0 update was coming on the same date and that it would 'do something along the lines of looking at your music... and offer recommendations based upon your playing habits...' He followed that up with another leak that Apple would release a less expensive iTouch on the very same date. September has always been the traditional month for Apple to announce new iPods and it is probably just an educated guess on that date.

But now we have rumors that September 9th is going to an another Apple Super Event to introduce new Macs. August has been the traditional month for the announcement of new Macs. And what is "super" about the event itself? The announcement of hot new redesigned MacBooks just in time for students who are returning to college.

This is speculation, of course, but Apple is always full of surprises.

Clinton Supporters To Skip Carter-Pelosi-Kennedy-Obama-bla bla bla

The majority of Hillary Clinton supporters will not be in attendance when Jimmy Carter, Nancy Pelosi, Edward Kennedy and Michele or Barack Hussein Obama take to the Convention podium. Clinton top advsiers including Terry McAuliffe (Clinton's campaign chairman) and long-time financial backers Steve Rattner and Maureen White have announced they will not be there. Throw in Alan Patricof, Clinton's top funderaiser too because he won't be in attendance. Pollsters are predicting at least 30% of Clinton supporters will not vote for Obama in the November election. That's a big chunk if Democratic voting change.

Copy and Paste IS NOT coming to the iPhone

...as reported here last Thursday (August 21st). Apple has released a beta of the upcoming v2.1 iPhone firmware upgrade and has plugged the hole allowing the use of shared space on the iPhone. That effectively blocks any application from temporarily storing any copied text or photos for repasting in another iPhone application. Bummer. The author, a college student named Zac Wag, has found another way to do it utilizing the iPhone's address book. It is a little more complicated to program but it is "do-able". We may see Copy and Paste yet!

Comcast War, Cut/Paste & iTunes Subscription

Comcast has announced it will begin implementing its new draconian form of network management and will start slowing the internet speeds of its heaviest users for 20- to 30-minutes at a time of network congestion, Mitch Bowling, Comcast's senior vice president and general manager of online services, told Bloomberg. Comcast will not regulate traffic on the basis of application type, but rather based on how much bandwidth an individual is using. This, of course, is aimed directly at peer-to-peer users. "If in fact a person is generating enough packets that they're the ones creating that situation, we will manage that consumer for the overall good of all of our consumers,'' Bowling said.

Comcast, now clearly in bed with the music and movie moguls, is determined to stop those who believe the internet should live in a free society. Comcast is going to prove they control the internet - and they will do so by throttling your service despite the fact that you are paying Comcast for unlimited internet access.

Boycott Comcast today. Cancel your service asap and change to another provider, even if your service is a bit slower it is far better then having your service slowed to such an extent that the money you pay for it is redirected right down the gutter.

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Copy and Paste is coming to the 3G iPhone. Zac Wag, a student developer, has figured out how to do it and made the code open source so all developers of iPhone apps can easily add copy/paste to their iPhone apps. Very ingenious and it doesn't break any of Apple's iPhone rules.

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Big Rumor! Apple will announce, just in time for the school crowd, a yearly subscription service of high quality DRM-free music. With a current Mac account it will cost you $99. Without a Mac account it will cost you $199 a year. All the music you want!

Obama Refuses To Support Gay Marriage

If you were convinced your vote for president was going to go to Obama and you are gay, you'd better rethink your decision. Barack Hussein Obama will not allow gay marriage. Oh, he'll let you have a "civil union" but he is more concerned with his church and their belief that being gay is wrong. His stance is that marriage is "the union between a man and a woman" and [God forbid] not between a man and a man.

That's right. As a black man he is quite willing to openly discriminate against the other "colored" people of this world: the lavender group. Like so many Christians, he believes gay people should be kept down, denied the same rights to marry that he has, and turns his nose up at the world of gay people with his very public and bigotted statements.

And you want to vote for this man? If you're gay and you vote for him you are telling the world that you enjoy being a second-class citizen and that you don't deserve to marry the man of your dreams. I'm surprised you don't believe you belong in prison for being born gay. Better yet, why not just move to Saudia Arabia and let those whackjobs cut your dick and balls off so you can bleed to death in the gutter where you belong? Do you think for one moment that gay people enjoy being: fired, making less money (if they aren't being denied jobs to begin with), never seeing a promotion, branded as a sexual deviant and pervert, denied health care and housing, getting beat up and even killed because of their sexual preference? Being gay isn't a lifestyle, it is a state of being. I didn't choose to be gay, just as straight people don't choose to be straight. Would I want to change it? Personally no. I LOVE being gay but that's because I'm wired that way just as straight people are wired to be straight.

I say bullshit to Obama. If the bigot doesn't want to support the world you live in then by all means, don't support him. He is obviously going to win the election but he doesn't have to win with the vote of the gay community under his belt. We should abstain - the same way he abstained voting on the Iraq war.

Simply leave the box for President empty when you vote. Let's not hand the guy everything he wants. Let's make sure he knows he barely won this election because of his prejudiced stance on gay marriage.

Private Torrent Sites

There are about a thousand torrent sites. Many are very popular but secluded and require registration and ratio requirements. But many are public and require nothing from the user but his time and attention.

Running a torrent site costs money and a lot of full time attention. Anyone can run a torrent site by downloading the free site kit, hiring a hosting service, and setting up their site. Torrent sites don’t actually host any copyrighted files so they don’t require a lot of hard disk space but they do hold torrent files which are text files, encrypted with internet directions to copyrighted files all over the world. And when those torrents are downloaded and inserted into your P2P application, it is the P2P application that goes out and finds the file – and generally it finds parts of the file all over the internet and downloads all of them until the entire file is collected.

Private torrent sites are private for a reason. They want to stay out of the limelight so copyright holders like music and movie companies can’t harass or threaten legal action against them for offering an avenue of download of their copyrighted material. And the majority of private torrent sites are found outside the US. Sweden, Germany, Italy and many other countries do not believe American’s have a right to claim “intellectual property” in their own country. In the U.S. sure, they can claim it but once it crosses the border in to Oslo then it is fair game.

To pay the hosting costs of a private torrent site, the owner often enforces a ratio requirement. For every file you download you must leave that file in your P2P application so others can upload it. That amount of data transferred from your account is recorded and weighed against your downloads. Most sites push a 2 to 1 ratio so for every two files you download you must upload half the equivalent amount of data back. It doesn’t matter which files you offer to upload back as long as they came from the site you originally downloaded them from. Other ways to increase your ratio amount, especially if you have a slow connection of very little upload bandwidth, is to donate to the site using PayPal. They will have a donate button and will accept donations from as little as one U.S. dollar to 100 U.S. dollars. You’ll find one dollar increases your download ration a lot and is usually enough to sustain your activity at the site.

Private torrent sites require registration of some kind. They don’t care what name or email account you use, they just require you to be a real person because there are many “bots” out there that simulate real people and those bots try to sign on and take over the site causing real members to be pushed aside. So you will need to register. Create a fake email account with Yahoo or Gmail or whatever, using any name you like but remember that name and email address and use it on all your private torrent sites. Register and they will send you an email to verify that you are a real live person along with a link to confirm your membership. Once confirmed you are in!

Private torrent sites generally specialize in particular type of torrents. There are TV sites with rare, retro, British, Italian, and hard-to-find TV shows as well as “classic movie” sites offering old great movies. The genres are extensive: mac files, windows files, old music, new music, special music, etc. So you’ll want to register and participate in those sites that interest you most.

So how do you find the private torrent sites? You'll have to do a little digging and pay more attention to those files you do download. Oftentimes, inside of those downloaded torrents you will find the originating private torrent site's name and/or url. You can also utilize FireFox 3.0 and the Torrent Finder Bar. The bar is an addon you install in seconds and it will allow you to search hundreds of torrent sites, public and private, for a particular file or file name. When you find the file you want to download and it is on a private site, you register and download the file.